Fading Away
by Rhin Ariel
Summary: Elizabeth wakes up in a bad situation with only John to help her. SW


Written on request on LJ, based on the Simple Plan song, 'Untitlesd'. Warnings for character death.

Fading away

I open my eyes slowly, but for a moment, I can't see anything. At first I think I'm blind. I let out a little gasp. I then hear a voice near me.

"Elizabeth?"

John face appears in my vision. He's smiling at me softly, but I can see a sadness in his eyes. I try to move, but I'm trapped.

"Stay still."

"What happened?"

My voice sounds harsh and weak.

"The town was bombed. We got trapped in the building. Some of the rubble…"

He stops speaking and looks down at my legs. I do too and my breath catches in my throat. From my waist down my body is covered in rocks and debris.

"It's okay, we'll get out of here."

"How long?"

"I don't know; it could be a little longer."

"No, how long have we been here?"

"A few hours."

I fall silent again and try desperately to piece together my fragmented memories of the events of the day. But I can't. I can't hold things together because my mind is racing. I try to concentrate on my body firstly.

I find it strange that I feel no pain. Then it hits me. Tears begin to roll down my cheeks as I think about it.

"Are you in pain?"

"No."

Yes. But not physical pain. I'm tearing apart inside and the more I look at you, and see the hope in your eyes when I say I'm not in pain, the more it hurts.

"John?"

"Yes."

"I can't feel my legs."

"What?"

"I can't feel my legs."

I see him take a deep breath. He's fighting back tears, he knows as well as I do what it means.

"I'm gonna try and get out of here. I'll get help."

"Don't leave me."

"I won't be far."

"John."

It's too late though; he's already gone.

Alone, I try to remember again. But it's not there. There are other memories though. Taking charge of the SGC. First meeting John in Antarctica. Coming to Atlantis. Everything from that till just before we left for the planet this morning. I try to push that away for a while and remember the good things. The good times.

The coldness is spreading up my body. At first it was just in my waist, just where I could feel my body before the numbness sets in. It's moving up, slowly but surely.

"John."

I try to shout, but my voice won't let me.

"John!"

I stretch to try and look around, but it's no good. The tears are back as the prospect of dying alone closes in on me.

"Elizabeth. Elizabeth, what's wrong?"

As suddenly as he disappeared, he's next to me again squeezing my hand.

"I'm getting colder, and it's moving up."

"I'm sure it's just the night drawing in."

"John. I don't want to die here."

"You're not going to die."

"I am, and I don't want to. Not yet at least."

"You're not going to."

That's right John, tell me something's not true when we both know it is. I can feel such a surge of emotions. And all of them are about him. I want to learn more about them. I want to learn more about him. I've come to realise I know nothing about John Sheppard. Not truly. I know he plays guitar, or at least brought one with him. I know about the time he had his wisdom teeth out. I know he's trying to read War and Peace and probably still no further.

"John?"

"Yes."

God John, please don't cry. Please don't."

"How far have you got in War and Peace?"

"What?"

"Just answer the question."

"I'm getting there slowly. Why?"

"I just wanted to talk. I've begun to realise that I know nothing about you."

"There's not much to know. Most of it's in my file, which I'm sure you've read."

"That's not you. That's someone who thinks they know you. I mean the real you."

He looks me in the eyes. It's like he's trying to take in what I've said. What I'm asking. I guess it is a little strange for a woman about to die to be asking about someone else's life.

"I don't know what to say."

"Something important. Something no one else knows."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Fine. I'm in love."

It's not the answer I was expecting. I feel a pang of something inside. What is it though? Guilt, for asking something so personal? Maybe, just maybe, it's jealousy. A jealousy for the lucky woman who gets this man as hers.

"Oh."

"Yep. She's beautiful, intelligent and I don't want to let her go."

He squeezes my hand to emphasise his point.

Me? I'm the one he loves?

"What?"

"I love you Elizabeth."

I feel light-headed at the thought. Though that's probably the blood loss. Regardless, he loves me. And I know something else.

"I love you too."

Damn me and my pride. Me and my professional integrity. All this time I've kept my feeling hidden deep down, only to discover at the last moment that he feels the same. I don't want to go now. I don't want to die and give him up. I try to claw back my life, but I can feel it slipping through my fingers.

The more I watch his face, the more I want to run. He's smiling, but there's tears falling. This can't be happening. I won't let it be happening. I just have to hold on a little longer.

But I can't because the coldness is still moving up. I am beyond saving.

"Kiss me."

I know he probably thinks I'm crazy, but I don't care. I plead with my eyes until he moves his face down to mine. His lips brush mine. I can taste the salty tears on his lips. A few still fall and land softly on my face, mixing with my own. It's a bittersweet kiss. Our first, and our last.

When he pulls back, I smile.

It's not that I've accepted my fate, I still don't want to die, I just know that he's here and that he feels the same and for me that's enough.

"Hold me."

To be held is the most basic form of comfort for a person.

I feel John shift next to me and then lift me head onto his lap. He is still holding my hand, and with the other he raises my head a little. I rest it against him and feel his chest rise and fall in the steady rhythm. He strokes my hair softly. I feel at peace.

The coldness has come at last. My eyes are growing heavy. It's time, even though I don't want to go. I blink back tears of anger, fear, sadness and guilt. I smile up at John one last time and whisper in my spent voice.

"I love you."

I see him smile down at me. I think he says the words back, but I cannot hear anymore. I recognise the shape of the word on his lips though. I've lost all feeling. I've lost all senses, but one. My last image is that of John smiling down at me.

And with that, the blackness takes me.


End file.
